Every single person who knows me will agree that am not the kind who can be anybody's best friend..!nor can anybody claim to know me inside out..!I have a lot of friends..but my extent of interaction with my friends is limited to what other people have with their common acquaintances..!Its completely my fault that i haven't ever allowed anyone to come close enough to me!..I have created a shell around me..which keeps me away from all the wonderful people in my life..!i never trust anyone completely even if i have known the person for years..!something pulls me back..!actually i had a tendency to become very strongly attached to people i had met just a few days back..!i opened up very quickly to people..i would trust them completely..put all my faith into them..but somehow with time..when i started getting hurt after not seeing the same response in others i stopped responding completely..!i preferred being a loner..!viewing life from a distance..going with the flow of life but not getting completely involved in someone..or something..! i always managed to have a good time though..but i preferred to stay out of d muck..!it worked..!to a great extent..!but then i ended up having no one to count as a friend..!i mean a real friend..!someone who knew me..!my fears..my weaknesses..!someone who did not secretly revel in my insecurities..!its difficult to find someone like that..!especially for someone like me..!but then i think i found that someone..i have become much more satisfied with life..and myself..but then its not possible that even in the most perfect of relationships there is no gap to be filled..!distances to be covered..!i still feel a disconnect sometimes..i feel lonely..mainly stems from my unreasonable expectations..but then how are emotions managed..?i don't know..!am still looking for ways to stay happy without any stimulus..!my biggest enemy right now is free time..i can't handle being idle..!i don't know why but it brings the worst out of me..!every passing problem..unresolved issues seem magnified manifold..!if you know a mantra to be happy with what you have then please tell me..!it will be appreciated..!
p.s..don't come up with suggestions like don't let yourself get idle..!
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I wrote something here but deleted that, it was a bit of personal! I ll try to be in general!
ReplyDeleteListen miss, you lack trust, I dont know why this is so! May be due to past experience and company of people but whatever the reason may be you have at least found the real problem.
You know when I was in school, I had no one to share, I feared that if I share it with my friends they will laugh at me, if I share it with ma brothers and sis they ll make fun of me... I stayed silent and believe me I got nothing from that silence other than hurting ma own self.
But then I found a girl, she is a normal girl for the world but for me she is a gift of God! I have handed over myself to her without any single thought in my mind! I shared everything that I could share and even sharing now, I felt peace of mind because I trusted! Now I have a partner, a friend, a lover and a real soul mate only because I trust her!
Trustworthy people often don't go into company of those who don't trust! If you want trustworthy people you ll have to trust a few.
Ok now second things is that you are looking for same response from others, this is not the way to deal!
Let me give you my example again! When I met that girl, I was so happy and infinitely excited but her response was not as I expected it to be! She left for a week, I waited so eagerly for her, and when she came back she did not responded the way I expected then again for a few days she left and again at her return I had a lower response as compared to my expectations.
But I never quit, I never will, because every person has different level of thinking, some need just a day to trust you, some take an year. Today when I see her response, I am happy that I stood by my words...! Simple thing is that give some time to people and keep your expectations lower!
Girl! life goes on! there are no shortcuts and no magical sticks, one have to be very realistic(this is something I leaned from you)!
Ok I think I should stop here, wrote enough, the main theme is that "BE OPTIMISTIC"!!! you had a so called hard time in terms of companionship, now you have that "SOMEONE"... the issue is balanced! now its your decision to consider the glass half empty or half filled!
Wish you a very nice time in your life! May your "someone" get strong enough to provide you with all the happiness of life.
Instead of asking for some solution and some mantra isn't it better to change your own thinking and the way you think!
ReplyDeleteWish you a good life with your someone!!
dats d problem..i don know how 2 control n modify my thoughts..!i let dem take over me..!n den i wallow in all d gud 4 nothing thoughts..!its not lyk m not happy..!i m happy..!very happy..!bt dere r tyms wen my mood swings 2 d extremes of sadness..m assumin every1 experiences mood swings..!bt i wanna know how 2 deal wid dem.!
ReplyDeleteAnswer is simple...
ReplyDeleteTRUST people, if not all then trust someone...
Once you trust you ll have no fears and no mood swings you ll come to rest!
hmmm..kk..thanx 4 d input..!
ReplyDeletehmm.. it ws lyk reading my own story...
ReplyDeleteIt was in queue for such a long time.. i shld hv read it earlier..
P.S i didnt know u were so emotional...