Saturday, March 13, 2010
Beginning
A new beginning..a new start..excited..nervous..confused..!what am i supposed 2 write..?but then i have so much 2 write about i don know where to start..!Its funny that so many times we have so much to say but don't know how to go about it..!let me start with myself..!i have a habit of over analyzing my behavior and reactions..!finding faults with myself..and then getting upset because my every analysis leads to the conclusion that "i am abnormal"..!my current personality traits lead back to my childhood..!i had a wonderful childhood..all because of my parents..!I have been blessed to have such wonderful parents..!They are caring..supportive..not very expressive..but it shows..!but since "expression" was never the strong point of any of my family members..a kind of space has always been there when it comes to communicating about "embarrassing" things like emotions, love interests and many other things..am sure you got the gist..!though I certainly don't invite over candid discussions with my family about these things, but sometimes i feel a kind of disconnect with my family..!but i guess its the same in most Indian families..!with time am sure things will change..!but then i wonder..would i be comfortable discussing socially prohibited topics with my family..?i guess no..!but then a little bit of intimacy would be nice..what say..?but the main problem is that i have inherited this shyness from my parents which becomes more pronounced when i have to express emotions..such as love..!when i do something for someone i feel embarrassed in expressing that i did it because i care for you..!i would much rather gain my satisfaction by silently enjoying the reactions of the subject..!and since i don't set much store by verbal expressions of emotions..i find people who do express emotions verbally "insincere"..!i somehow believe that silent attention is the most truthful and sincere expression of "i care"..!i may sound unfair to people who do believe in verbal expressions of love and affection..!but my reservations on this matter had to find some way to express itself..!and unfortunately it expresses itself in the form of blushes which i experience in emotionally sticky situations..!
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Is this an excuse for your fear of expression?
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know love don't need any expression, if its true love it can be felt(like a wind..:)) in silence, But if you express its an additional point.
I wrote a very long comment here but deleted that again, I think you need no explanation all you need is to realize your problem. And to be very specific about the case of "love", your problem is that you need to know more about it. You may have felt it but you know very little about it. Hope my comment make some sense, I cant be much specific but if needs explanation, let me know!
I guess u mst have delete ur comment cozz true love can not ne expressed in mere wrds ..it is beyond wrdssss .....and wen u r in luv there is no space for expressionzzz and stufff ...I guess it is a direct heart to heart connection ...it will come to u as wind and reside within u ..and then it becomes I
ReplyDeletepossible for u to remove it no matter hw hard u try .so I totally agree wid paulo ....:)
Still there are a few things you need to say..
ReplyDeletepomy..is dis fear of expressin emotions..?i don think so..!its just dat i don believe in verbal expressions...!i mean..i feel if u care 4 som1 u don need 2 announce it 2 d other person..!ur actions wil speak..!n if u do announce ur emotions n ur care 4 som1..somhow d charm wil b lost..!d strongest of emotions r felt..not explained..!somhow i feel verbal expressions of emotions leads 2 loss of sanctity..~
ReplyDeletethanx 4 ur precious comments guys..!keep readin.>!:)
ReplyDeleteUnexpressed love is like a genie in the bottle, you need to express it to open the bottle. Hope it make some sense!
ReplyDelete