I read somewhere just now that bitterness is frozen anger. Like a thorn which has torn through your flesh and remains embedded in your system. But the nature of bitterness is not just to get into your system and remain latent. It grows with time. It poisons you. Destroys you. It rusts your capacity to love people or forgive them. It makes you stew in self pity and jealousy. It doesn't allow you to wish good things for other people. It cripples your desire to live a happy life.
I know all this because i am a victim of it. I feel like weeping because i am so consumed in this particular emotion life seems a waste to me. To be made to feel loved and constantly receiving the assurance that they love me but then the next moment being made to feel as a liability. It does feel sad. I need guidance. I need help. or else i may soon be driven to suicide.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Altruism Vs. Selfishness
Right from the moment we start going to school we are being taught to be selfless..we are taught to serve others..to preserve the feelings of others..to make THEM happy..to respect them..work with them..cooperate..collaborate with them..! We are forced to believe that this is the only respectable way to live..! According to every renowned philosopher in the world..being selfish is evil..refusing to share yourself..your ideas..your feelings..your tangible possessions is considered to be mean..sign of a narrow grouchy mind n disposition..! Every man born is supposed to either pretend 2 be..or approve of Altruists/Altruism respectively. But in this horde of believing this concept blindly and forcing it down the throats of younger generation have we even bothered to investigate in the true meaning of altruism and selfishness?
Only one person has..and has helped me understand life..humanity and society better than any spiritual guide or religion..! and that woman is "Ayn Rand". Read "The fountainhead" recently..and marveled at her mind. Her immense power of steady observation, her analysis and her aptitude in working out patterns in this thoroughly predictable.."second-hand" society.
Everything she has tried to put forward has been known to mankind..but never investigated..because we are scared of uncovering the truth..it has been left untouched..people are scared to think about it..talk about it..as it would defile all their concepts of glorified 2nd hand living behind which they have been hiding all this while.
What society confers as altruism is actually 2nd hand living..seeking ourselves in others. When we confront a problem we don't think of what we think is the solution; we think of what others think is the solution. We work to be admired. We don't work to solve problems or for the love of it. We have learnt to live in the shelter of others approval. We have no judgment of our own left.
A truly selfish person is one who knows his worth and standards. Doesn't need to seek approval or approbation from others. They don't work for "humanity". They work because they like to work. Their mind doesn't think about what others would do in their situation. They are termed as egotists..and essentially they are egotists but it is a virtue which the masses can't achieve and therefore resent the few people who do have it..and thus have tried their best to stigmatize them.
I have stopped getting bothered by the thing i was fighting all this while ==>> The pretense people take up in projecting themselves as Altruists; I have understood that these so called "self proclaimed Altruists" are actually people seeking themselves in others..people without a self..an empty shell...and thus entities to be pitied.
Only one person has..and has helped me understand life..humanity and society better than any spiritual guide or religion..! and that woman is "Ayn Rand". Read "The fountainhead" recently..and marveled at her mind. Her immense power of steady observation, her analysis and her aptitude in working out patterns in this thoroughly predictable.."second-hand" society.
Everything she has tried to put forward has been known to mankind..but never investigated..because we are scared of uncovering the truth..it has been left untouched..people are scared to think about it..talk about it..as it would defile all their concepts of glorified 2nd hand living behind which they have been hiding all this while.
What society confers as altruism is actually 2nd hand living..seeking ourselves in others. When we confront a problem we don't think of what we think is the solution; we think of what others think is the solution. We work to be admired. We don't work to solve problems or for the love of it. We have learnt to live in the shelter of others approval. We have no judgment of our own left.
A truly selfish person is one who knows his worth and standards. Doesn't need to seek approval or approbation from others. They don't work for "humanity". They work because they like to work. Their mind doesn't think about what others would do in their situation. They are termed as egotists..and essentially they are egotists but it is a virtue which the masses can't achieve and therefore resent the few people who do have it..and thus have tried their best to stigmatize them.
I have stopped getting bothered by the thing i was fighting all this while ==>> The pretense people take up in projecting themselves as Altruists; I have understood that these so called "self proclaimed Altruists" are actually people seeking themselves in others..people without a self..an empty shell...and thus entities to be pitied.
Friday, April 23, 2010
9 Principles of purposeful living..!
I read it somewhere..and thought of sharing it..!
[1] You should not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
Worry is a negative state of mind which deals with the same problem over and over again, yet nothing is solved.
[2] You should not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
Fear is the opposite of confidence. It is also another negative emotion where it deals with uncertainty and loses heart easily. How can one win when one feels defeated even before the game has started?
[3] You should not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this. Deal with each problem as it comes, you can handle only one at a time anyway.
Let God's will be done, not ours. What will happen will happen for a good cause. One cannot deal with unseen problems though one can learn to troubleshoot.
[4] You should not take problems to bed with you for they make very poor bedfellows.
Problems are not solved when one go to sleep, be rested proper to have our energies and spirits renewed to stand tall to face all challenges the next day..
[5] You should not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.
There are numerous other people's problems beyond one's expectations and understandings. Learn to tackle our own problems before giving a hand to others. Solve our own problems before minding other people's problems.
[6] You should not try to relive yesterday for good or bad... it has already gone! Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.
There is no use crying over spilt milk. Be geared towards moving a step at a time. 'Yesterday was a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, Today is ready cash, Use it to the fullest!' That was what people used to say.
[7] You should be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It is very hard to learn something new when you are talking.
We have a pair of ears but only one mouth. Be patient to speak before understanding. Our mouths serve us best when in accord with inner conscience where Truth dwells..
[8] You should not become bogged down by frustration, for 90 percent of it is rooted in self-pity, and it will only interfere with positive action.
Self-pity is the web that spins miseries and traps oneself with their 'self-dug-pits' or dungeons. Slithering snakes and crawling insects will be your friends while in the darkness of frustrations.
[9] You should count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one!
For every blessings known to you, there are hundreds more that you don't know. Have heart in all you do. Always be grateful in all we have. Gratitude is a virtue for all. Gratitude is a key to peace of mind and heart.
When one seeks to assuage the suffering of others, it is really one's own suffering that one mitigates the relief. When one direct one's attention to the inner-self, which is Truth, one will perceive the same Divinity to be present in all. Thus it makes up these 9 principles to live by.
[1] You should not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
Worry is a negative state of mind which deals with the same problem over and over again, yet nothing is solved.
[2] You should not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
Fear is the opposite of confidence. It is also another negative emotion where it deals with uncertainty and loses heart easily. How can one win when one feels defeated even before the game has started?
[3] You should not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this. Deal with each problem as it comes, you can handle only one at a time anyway.
Let God's will be done, not ours. What will happen will happen for a good cause. One cannot deal with unseen problems though one can learn to troubleshoot.
[4] You should not take problems to bed with you for they make very poor bedfellows.
Problems are not solved when one go to sleep, be rested proper to have our energies and spirits renewed to stand tall to face all challenges the next day..
[5] You should not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.
There are numerous other people's problems beyond one's expectations and understandings. Learn to tackle our own problems before giving a hand to others. Solve our own problems before minding other people's problems.
[6] You should not try to relive yesterday for good or bad... it has already gone! Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.
There is no use crying over spilt milk. Be geared towards moving a step at a time. 'Yesterday was a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, Today is ready cash, Use it to the fullest!' That was what people used to say.
[7] You should be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It is very hard to learn something new when you are talking.
We have a pair of ears but only one mouth. Be patient to speak before understanding. Our mouths serve us best when in accord with inner conscience where Truth dwells..
[8] You should not become bogged down by frustration, for 90 percent of it is rooted in self-pity, and it will only interfere with positive action.
Self-pity is the web that spins miseries and traps oneself with their 'self-dug-pits' or dungeons. Slithering snakes and crawling insects will be your friends while in the darkness of frustrations.
[9] You should count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one!
For every blessings known to you, there are hundreds more that you don't know. Have heart in all you do. Always be grateful in all we have. Gratitude is a virtue for all. Gratitude is a key to peace of mind and heart.
When one seeks to assuage the suffering of others, it is really one's own suffering that one mitigates the relief. When one direct one's attention to the inner-self, which is Truth, one will perceive the same Divinity to be present in all. Thus it makes up these 9 principles to live by.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Choosing not to react!
There was a time in my life when any tiny little incident would bring out strong reactions from me! I would react if a bunch of stupid illiterate fools did and said things which i particularly couldn't stand! Even though what they did or said didn't change anything..! People say its typical of teenagers..! Maybe it is..! But now I somehow don't feel the need to react! Now i decide what deserves my attention and demands a reaction! I have become more at peace with myself and others! I don't feel the need to tell people whats wrong with them! I don't get exasperated by them! I have chosen to ignore what i don't like and which doesn't affect me directly! I have learnt that my reactions won't change them..!They would achieve their purpose of spreading hatred if i start giving attention to them and then get affected enough to carry it forward! I guess its part of growing up! and i am glad that i am past that stage!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
relationships..!
Every single person who knows me will agree that am not the kind who can be anybody's best friend..!nor can anybody claim to know me inside out..!I have a lot of friends..but my extent of interaction with my friends is limited to what other people have with their common acquaintances..!Its completely my fault that i haven't ever allowed anyone to come close enough to me!..I have created a shell around me..which keeps me away from all the wonderful people in my life..!i never trust anyone completely even if i have known the person for years..!something pulls me back..!actually i had a tendency to become very strongly attached to people i had met just a few days back..!i opened up very quickly to people..i would trust them completely..put all my faith into them..but somehow with time..when i started getting hurt after not seeing the same response in others i stopped responding completely..!i preferred being a loner..!viewing life from a distance..going with the flow of life but not getting completely involved in someone..or something..! i always managed to have a good time though..but i preferred to stay out of d muck..!it worked..!to a great extent..!but then i ended up having no one to count as a friend..!i mean a real friend..!someone who knew me..!my fears..my weaknesses..!someone who did not secretly revel in my insecurities..!its difficult to find someone like that..!especially for someone like me..!but then i think i found that someone..i have become much more satisfied with life..and myself..but then its not possible that even in the most perfect of relationships there is no gap to be filled..!distances to be covered..!i still feel a disconnect sometimes..i feel lonely..mainly stems from my unreasonable expectations..but then how are emotions managed..?i don't know..!am still looking for ways to stay happy without any stimulus..!my biggest enemy right now is free time..i can't handle being idle..!i don't know why but it brings the worst out of me..!every passing problem..unresolved issues seem magnified manifold..!if you know a mantra to be happy with what you have then please tell me..!it will be appreciated..!
p.s..don't come up with suggestions like don't let yourself get idle..!
p.s..don't come up with suggestions like don't let yourself get idle..!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
MUN..!
There was an MUN event organized in my college recently..!For people who don't know what is MUN...its Model united nations..!Different nations are assigned to individuals..an agenda is set..and then people (delegates of nations) negotiate to come to a solution..!by some random chance i was assigned Pakistan..and the agenda was "can economic development be compromised for environmental protection?"..though this topic is HOT in the world at the moment but Pakistan's participation in this matter is minimal..mainly due to the fact that its an insignificant contributor environment degradation..!and i was assigned a partner who was absolutely miffed on being assigned Pakistan..!a little aggressive in nature..my partner made sure everyone noticed Pakistan in the MUN though we didn't have anything significant to contribute..!:D
and we were noticed for all the wrong reasons..almost thrown out when even the *chair* got frustrated with us..:D
I mostly stayed quiet..mainly because whenever i did want to say anything the right phrase required in UN to initiate wouldn't strike me..my partner and i had completely different views on a lot of issues..which we didn't discuss before because we both prefer working alone..so we weren't aware of each others opinions..which was very foolish on our part..!and my partner being more aggressive would voice his views first..and then i would have to stick with it..!Though on the whole i think we did the best we could with Pakistan..and the credit goes to my partner..because since we didn't have anything substantial to say..so the choice was either to stay mum or talk nonsense..!talking nonsense at least got us noticed..!which was more than i could hope for..!
For me personally it was a great learning experience..at least i got to know how UN works..!am planning to participate again next semester..but with greater preparation..and a much more aggressive attitude..!next time ladies and gentlemen we duel to kill..!;)
and we were noticed for all the wrong reasons..almost thrown out when even the *chair* got frustrated with us..:D
I mostly stayed quiet..mainly because whenever i did want to say anything the right phrase required in UN to initiate wouldn't strike me..my partner and i had completely different views on a lot of issues..which we didn't discuss before because we both prefer working alone..so we weren't aware of each others opinions..which was very foolish on our part..!and my partner being more aggressive would voice his views first..and then i would have to stick with it..!Though on the whole i think we did the best we could with Pakistan..and the credit goes to my partner..because since we didn't have anything substantial to say..so the choice was either to stay mum or talk nonsense..!talking nonsense at least got us noticed..!which was more than i could hope for..!
For me personally it was a great learning experience..at least i got to know how UN works..!am planning to participate again next semester..but with greater preparation..and a much more aggressive attitude..!next time ladies and gentlemen we duel to kill..!;)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Beginning
A new beginning..a new start..excited..nervous..confused..!what am i supposed 2 write..?but then i have so much 2 write about i don know where to start..!Its funny that so many times we have so much to say but don't know how to go about it..!let me start with myself..!i have a habit of over analyzing my behavior and reactions..!finding faults with myself..and then getting upset because my every analysis leads to the conclusion that "i am abnormal"..!my current personality traits lead back to my childhood..!i had a wonderful childhood..all because of my parents..!I have been blessed to have such wonderful parents..!They are caring..supportive..not very expressive..but it shows..!but since "expression" was never the strong point of any of my family members..a kind of space has always been there when it comes to communicating about "embarrassing" things like emotions, love interests and many other things..am sure you got the gist..!though I certainly don't invite over candid discussions with my family about these things, but sometimes i feel a kind of disconnect with my family..!but i guess its the same in most Indian families..!with time am sure things will change..!but then i wonder..would i be comfortable discussing socially prohibited topics with my family..?i guess no..!but then a little bit of intimacy would be nice..what say..?but the main problem is that i have inherited this shyness from my parents which becomes more pronounced when i have to express emotions..such as love..!when i do something for someone i feel embarrassed in expressing that i did it because i care for you..!i would much rather gain my satisfaction by silently enjoying the reactions of the subject..!and since i don't set much store by verbal expressions of emotions..i find people who do express emotions verbally "insincere"..!i somehow believe that silent attention is the most truthful and sincere expression of "i care"..!i may sound unfair to people who do believe in verbal expressions of love and affection..!but my reservations on this matter had to find some way to express itself..!and unfortunately it expresses itself in the form of blushes which i experience in emotionally sticky situations..!
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